If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster.

I remember when I switched from Christmas to sex as the secret of happiness.

Some people have a love of their fellow man in their hearts, and others require a light anesthetic.

Pumpkin pie is a living symbol of mediocrity. The best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn't all that much different from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate.

I'm a lucky guy. I get to sit around every day and indulge in make believe and get paid for it.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

My ancestors were Puritans from England. They arrived here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at that time.