Your life is a work of art, and in the end, the underlying theme of great art is bravery and hope and love.

Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.

All fiction comes from a little bit of reality, otherwise it would have no relevance. The fun is in innovation, take something real like this fair, and make it something larger than life.

God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

A compassionate conservative is someone who electrocutes juveniles but lets them have a last 'make a wish'.