I hear a little firecracker go off when you come up with a good rhyme.

You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Wal-Mart is going in and slaughtering [small towns] just as we once killed the buffalo.

Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome.

Boys, the first drink is a boon, the second is a gamble, the third is poor judgment, and then the rate of descent gets steep

When the New Yorker turned down work, they turned it down in such an elaborately gentlemanly way making apologies for their own shortsightedness. Undoubtedly it was their fault but somehow for some reason this fell short of the remarkably high standard that you by your own work have set for yourself. They had a way of rejecting my work that made me feel sorry for them somehow.