Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers.

March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.

Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our house, and He had me all sketched out down to what size my feet would be (big), which bike I would ride (Schwinn), and the five ears of corn I'd eat for supper that night.

The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, 'Daddy, I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.

A man can't eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.

A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.