The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

I am a cheerful man, even in the dark, and it's all thanks to a good Lutheran mother. . . . Mother was well composed, a true Lutheran, and taught me to Cheer up, Make yourself useful, Mind your manners, and above all, Don't feel sorry for yourself.

Where I come from, when a Catholic marries a Lutheran it is considered the first step on the road to Minneapolis.

The thought of people in this day and age sitting down to listen to a radio variety show on Saturday evening is rather implausible and was even more so in 1974 when we started “A Prairie Home Companion.” Thank goodness Minnesota Public Radio was too poor to afford good advice or the show never would've got on the air. We only did it because we knew it would be fun to do. It was a dumb idea. I wish I knew how to be that dumb again.

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.