The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.

Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.

Being rich and thin isn't everything.

When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

Spending time in a church does not make you religious, any more than spending time in a garage makes you a car.

Sport is a seductive metaphor (life as a game in which we gain victory through hard work, discipline, and visualizing success). but the older metaphor of farming (life as hard labor that is subject to weather and quirks of blind fate and may return no reward whatsoever and don't be surprised) is still in our blood.