Cleverness is a burden after that. You are supposed to settle down and be a good person, raise your children, and be good to your friends, which you may not have been back when you were clever.

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.

A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people.

I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time.

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have.

You don't want to get that sort of sound in your writing that boing that gives you away.