When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.

March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.

Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living.

Being rich and thin isn't everything.

It is more worthy in the eyes of God . . . if a writer makes three pages sharp and funny about the lives of geese than to make three hundred fat and flabby about God or the American people.

In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache.

My ability to keep cool in a crisis is based entirely on not knowing all the facts.