Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in the saddle and look upon their troops with a noble and benevolent and extremely nearsighted gaze.

I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Humor is not about problems with airline luggage handlers. It's about our lives in America and it's about the ends of our lives and it's about everything that happens after that and everything that happened before.

No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.

I was afraid you had deceased,' he said. 'Or gotten engrossed in a long book.

A good friend is a person who thinks you're one of the good eggs, even if he knows you're a little cracked.