You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't.

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell

Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me. Maybe I put them on too soon.

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.