They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.

I remember learning to drive on my dad's lap. Did you guys ever do that? He'd work the brakes. I'd work the wheel. Then I went to take the driver's test and sat on the examiner's lap. I failed the exam. But he still writes to me. That's the really nice part.

Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, "Are you just going to sit around like that all day?"

I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.