When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session.

I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.' You know. 'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?