Night to night, doing the clubs is a lot of fun too because you have a lot more freedom and you don't have to worry about swearing or going off the script or going long or going short. If you bomb, only a handful of people see it. On TV, a lot of people see it.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

I think everything is fair game to a certain extent.

I went to Boston College. It's a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.

I really shine in front of prominently Jewish crowds. Normally I really beat myself up, but as far as Jewish audiences go, I'm at the top of my game.

The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.