Maybe a silver lining to growing old is being able to watch Usual Suspects for the first time, again.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was the quarter from behind the ear gag. He would never put the time in.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

I have 236 movies on my queue and I feel like I should always be watching movies. Like if I wake up in the middle of the night and don't fall directly back to sleep, I'm like, 'I've been up for an hour and a half I could have watched 'Toy Story 3' by now.' In this economy it is a sin not to be watching movies when you have Netflix.

I hate nickels; they're quarter impersonators.