I don't want our culture diluted. We need to close the borders now and let everyone assimilate to a Western, white, English-speaking way of life.

One of the downsides of being special is that you feel out of place wherever you go.

There's this other world where all comedians want to do is make funny videos. Typically what's happened in the past is that a comedian gets a standup career and over the course of 20 years builds it up to the point where Comedy Central gives them a sketch show.

I feel like the government is more evil than most corporations.

I find comedians to be the biggest cocksuckers, because they don't want people to know how easy it is.

If something doesnt feel normal to me, it must be wrong. Failing to have a shred of imaginative empathy is a virtue!

I'm scared of snakebites - that's the origin of cowboy boots, protection - but my toes need to breathe.