Obey the muse, Liz said. She's a fickle mistress.

Her hands were freezing, just like they always were, so I warmed them, just like I always did.

How can it be so unclear to her when it's like the fingers on my hand to me?

And that's just it, isn't it? That's how we manage to survive the loss. Because love, it never dies, it never goes away, it never fades, so long as you hang on to it.

And that's when I understand that I have been stained. Whether I'm still in love with him, whether he was ever in love with me, and no matter who he's in love with now, Willem changed my life. He showed me how to get lost, and then I showed myself how to get found.

It's just accidental, just temporary. Until the next accident sends me somewhere new. That's how life works.

But I'd do it again. I know that now. I'd make that promise a thousand times over and lose her a thousand times over to have heard her play last night or to see her in the morning sunlight. Or even without that. Just to know that she's somewhere out there. Alive.