The Beatles weren't like any other band. Everybody in the band sang, which is why you knew everybody in the band.

I voted for President Bush. I voted for President Clinton and although I do want my vote back, I voted for President Obama.

There’s an old adage that says that money is the root of all evil. Bullshit. Lack of money is the root of all evil.

The biggest financial pitfall in life is divorce. And the biggest reason for divorce is marriage.

I'm pissed at a nickel because it isn't a dime.

Your date will not be impressed by you throwing up on her brand-new shoes, as you spout poetic babblings that are meaningful only to you.

In time of war, if you go through a bad neighborhood, I don't want a little French poodle, I want a Rottweiler on my hands.