I find it easy to forgive the man who invented a devilish instrument like dynamite, but how can one ever forgive the diabolical mind that invented the Nobel Prize in Literature?

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

Nowadays a parlor maid as ignorant as Queen Victoria was when she came to the throne would be classed as mentally defective.

Obedience simulates subordination as fear of the police simulates honesty.

Wise kings wear shabby clothes, and leave the gold lace to the drum major.

I learned more from the first stupid woman who fell in love with me than ever my brains taught me.

Remember always that the least plain sister is the family beauty.