A tranquil woman can go on sewing longer than an angry man can go on fuming.

This is my father. Try what you can with him! He won't listen to me, because he remembers what a fool I was when I was a baby.

What is virtue but the Trade Unionism of the married?

The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. The poverty-stricken man makes the same mistake about the rich man.

When you want to put something into your part that is not in the play, you must ask the author-or some other author-to lead up to the interpolation for you. Never forget that the effect of a line may depend not on its delivery, but on something said earlier in the play, either by somebody else or by yourself, and that if you change it, it may be necessary to change the whole first act as well.

What use are cartridges in battle? I always carry chocolate instead.

Pothinus: "Is it possible that Caesar, the conqueror of the world, has time to occupy himself with such a trifle as our taxes?" Caesar: "My friend, taxes are the chief business of a conqueror of the world.