Oh, well, if you want original conversations, you'd better go and talk to yourself.

Go on writing plays, my boy, One of these days one of these London producers will go into his office and say to his secretary, "Is there a play from Shaw this morning?" and when she says, "No," he will say, "Well, then we'll have to start on the rubbish." And that's your chance, my boy.

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.

When God created man and woman, he did not take a patent. That's why any imbecile has been able to do so ever since.

An election is a moral horror, as bad as a battle except for the blood; a mud bath for every soul concerned in it.

We call the one side [of humanity] religion, and we call the other science. Religion is always right. ... Science is always wrong; it is the very artifice of men. Science can never solve one problem without raising ten more problems.

Assassination on the scaffold is the worst form of assassination.