The stock actor is a stage calamity

Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

You don't get tired of muffins, but you don't find inspiration in them.

If the announcer can produce the impression that he is a gentleman, he may pronounce as he pleases.

I don't. I look my age; and I am my age. It is the other people who look older than they are. What can you expect from people who eat corpses and drink spirits?

Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled.

Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience.