Woman reduces us all to the common denominator.

My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.

The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. The poverty-stricken man makes the same mistake about the rich man.

The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

The sex illusion is not a fixed quantity: not what mathematicians call a constant. It varies from zero in my wife's case to madness in that of our stepsister.

There is only one person an English girl hates more than she hates her elder sister; and that is her mother.

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.