The function of comedy is to dispelunconsciousness by turning the searchlight of the keenest moral and intellectual analysisright on to it.

History, sir, will tell lies as usual.

A married man is a man with a past, while a bachelor is a man with a future.

There are scores of thousands of human insects who are ready at a moment's notice to reveal the Will of God on every possible subject

Very nice sort of place, Oxford, I should think, for people that like that sort of place. They teach you to be a gentleman there. In the polytechnic they teach you to be an engineer or such like. See?

When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.

I talk democracy to these men and women. I tell them that they have the vote, and that theirs is the kingdom and the power and the glory. I say to them You are supreme: exercise your power. They say, That's right: tell us what to do; and I tell them. I say Exercise our vote intelligently by voting for me. And they do. That's democracy; and a splendid thing it is too for putting the right men in the right place.