The function of comedy is to dispelunconsciousness by turning the searchlight of the keenest moral and intellectual analysisright on to it.

Life is a disease; and the only difference between on man and another is the stage of the disease at which he lives.

The capacity of any conqueror is more likely than not to be an illusion produced by the incapacity of his adversary.

I can't talk religion to a man with bodily hunger in his eyes.

You're only a beginner; and what you think is love, and interest, and all that, is not real love at all: three quarters of it is only unsatisfied curiosity.

Marriage is to me apostasy, profanation of the sanctuary of my soul, violation of my manhood, sale of my birthright, shameful surrender, ignominious capitulation, acceptance of defeat.

Women upset everything. When you let them into your life, you find that the woman is driving at one thing and you're driving at another.