The function of comedy is to dispelunconsciousness by turning the searchlight of the keenest moral and intellectual analysisright on to it.

With the exception of capitalism, there is nothing so revolting as revolution.

An Englishman does everything on principle: he fights you on patriotic principles; he robs you on business principles; he enslaves you on imperial principles.

Of all human struggles there is none so treacherous and remorseless as the struggle between the artist man and the mother woman.

What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattering.

I am oppressed with a dread of living forever. That is the only disadvantage of vegetarianism.

As long as you don't fly openly in the face of society, society doesn't ask any inconvenient questions; and it makes precious short work of the cads who do. There are no secrets better kept than the secrets everybody guesses.