Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one. Telegram inviting Winston Churchill to opening night of Pygmalion. Churchill wired back: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second - if there is one.

If you cannot have what you believe in you must believe in what you have.

It has taken me nearly twenty years of studied self-restraint, aided by the natural decay of my faculties, to make myself dull enough to be accepted as a serious person by the British public; and I am not sure that I am not still regarded as a suspicious character in some quarters.

If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.

Women upset everything. When you let them into your life, you find that the woman is driving at one thing and you're driving at another.

Life is a flame that is always burning itself out; but it catches fire again every time a child is born. Life is greater than death, and hope than despair.