Must then a Christ perish in torment in every age to save those that have no imagination.

No king on earth is as safe in his job as a Trade Union official. There is only one thing that can get him sacked; and that is drink. Not even that, as long as he doesn't actually fall down.

Opera is when a tenor and soprano want to make love, but are prevented from doing so by a baritone.

Kings are not born: they are made by artificial hallucination.

Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one. Telegram inviting Winston Churchill to opening night of Pygmalion. Churchill wired back: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second - if there is one.

I love little children too but I don't cut off their heads and stick them in vases.

It is not the number of years we have behind us, but the number we have before us, that makes us careful and responsible and determined to find out the truth about everything.