I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.

The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.

Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.

The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.