I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.

I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.

Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.

They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.

Sometimes a little brain damage can help.