A Dodger uniform just doesn't look good with a cummerbund.

Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You'member.

From now on, we're home schooling you. Whatever we don't know, you don't know. When did the Korean War start? I don't know, and neither do you!

At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.

The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.'

I'm a big fan of reality shows. I thought the first one, Dukes of Hazzard, captured white people perfectly.

D.C. is a great place. The music, jazz, has always been great here, the restaurants have always been fantastic here. And there's been a lot of changes in this city over the last 30 years, and all for the better.