Laughter survives... it has to survive.

George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud!

I have dogs in my house and much like teenagers at some point, they leave the parents. Even though they're in the same house, they live independently. I think that's how I live with the Chihuahuas.

Tied one on last night. Not feeling great this morning. I was trying to sleep it off, unfortunately, it was on the casino floor.

I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.

I didn't come from a background where I saw a lot of loving couples. All my aunts and uncles were either split up or fighting all the time. The only healthy relationships I saw were on TV.

We are now the proud owners of a white boy. Now we have to shop in the caucasian isle and get sunscreen, mayonaise and mild salsa because the other ones really hawt!