Lieutenant Governor Paterson - blind, black guy - gets sworn in. First thing he says is, 'By the way, cheated on my wife. Let's just get that out in the open right now.' He didn't need to admit that. He's blind. Could have said it was an accident.

I enjoy writing the same way I enjoy doing standup. Part of the challenge is being creative and making it work no matter what the constraints.

I never know what I'm going to say as I walk up to the microphone. I try to be in the moment. I try to go deeper into myself. I discover things on stage that I don't discover off stage about me.

The most interesting hipsters are ones who stop being hipsters.

If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?

Don't be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober... I'm dead inside.

We are now able to create virtual realities on computers. Are we all living in one created by someone in the future?