Lieutenant Governor Paterson - blind, black guy - gets sworn in. First thing he says is, 'By the way, cheated on my wife. Let's just get that out in the open right now.' He didn't need to admit that. He's blind. Could have said it was an accident.

If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?

I feel life is to be lived. You want to spend your time doing things and being with friends and all that.

My kids teased me at dinner that I'm not cool. I told them if I was cool I wouldn't be sitting at home with my kids. Pass the gravy.

When a banana gets rotten people love to tell you that you can make banana bread out of it. I have never seen anyone actually do it.

Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical.

I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.