If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

I love when problems have simple solutions. Cold medicine. Umbrellas. Condoms. Tax incentives & subsidies attracting favored industries.

If you want to stop two people from having sex, let them get married.

When a banana gets rotten people love to tell you that you can make banana bread out of it. I have never seen anyone actually do it.

Lieutenant Governor Paterson - blind, black guy - gets sworn in. First thing he says is, 'By the way, cheated on my wife. Let's just get that out in the open right now.' He didn't need to admit that. He's blind. Could have said it was an accident.

I feel life is to be lived. You want to spend your time doing things and being with friends and all that.

My kids teased me at dinner that I'm not cool. I told them if I was cool I wouldn't be sitting at home with my kids. Pass the gravy.