You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? I don't think the government needs to know how I feel about teen Asian sluts in order to fight terrorism.

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.

George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here married? Does it feel like a gift from God to you?

There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake's career.

There's been so much talk in the news lately about illegal aliens in the workplace. When was the last time an illegal alien stole your job? Oh yeah, that dream job of the Chinese Delivery man pedaling up Broadway delivering Chinese food for 40 cents an hour, or on the back of a landscaping truck with 15 others.

The reality is I'm not this person with this driving 'get it done' attitude.