Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.

Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.

Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET.

"You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress."

I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.

We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?