Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I'm not going to investigate it if it doesn't effect me directly.

You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.

If being a gangster were a prerequisite to being a musician, there'd be a lot less cello music, for example.

There's been so much talk in the news lately about illegal aliens in the workplace. When was the last time an illegal alien stole your job? Oh yeah, that dream job of the Chinese Delivery man pedaling up Broadway delivering Chinese food for 40 cents an hour, or on the back of a landscaping truck with 15 others.

Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET.