The problem with leftism as a vice is that everyone else is stuck with the hangover.

The thing which Reagan did, which was great, was he won the people. He marginalized the media. And that's what you need, an intellectual agility.

The government is controlling your mind through chem trails, we all know this is true.

ObamaCare is creating nothing but misery for everybody.

Some things get better with age. And then there's Madonna.

Is your relationship strong enough to survive a trip to Ikea? Is their furniture strong enough to survive a relationship? Have you ever bought a bed there?

I'm so tired of the same old cliche costumes. When people dress up as animals, they always go as, like, lions and tigers and dogs. You know, why don't you try something different? Dress up like a lemur.