I used to come home at night full of inspiration, and sit up with a bottle of Scotch. As I wrote, the words seemed wonderful, just too wonderful to be coming from me. Next morning I always found they were terrible and I could never use anything I wrote.

I'm probably the highest paid outdoor entertainer since Cleopatra.

The dog is dressed just like me at the climax of my act.

Anything worth doing well is worth doing slowly.

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to.

Men aren’t attracted to me by my mind. They’re attracted by what I don’t mind.

I used to come home at night full of inspiration, and sit up with a bottle of Scotch. As I wrote, the words seemed wonderful, just too wonderful to be coming from me. Next morning I always found they were terrible and I could never use anything I wrote.