Every failure teaches a man something, to wit, that he will probably fail again.

The truth is that Christian theology, like every other theology, is not only opposed to the scientific spirit; it is also opposed to all other attempts at rational thinking.

What ass first let loose the doctrine that the suffrage is a high boon and voting a noble privilege?

Never let your inferiors do you a favor - it will be extremely costly.

The Gettysburg Adress has been included, of late, in several anthologies of poetry. It actually meets the major requirement of all poetry: It is a mellifluous and emotional statement of the obviously not true. The men who fought for self-determination at Gettysburg were not the Federals but the Confederates.

America's biggest failure is its inability to take comedy seriously.

If there had been any formidable body of cannibals in the country, Harry Truman would have promised to provide them with free missionaries fattened at the taxpayer's expense.