There are no ugly cigars, only ugly smokers.

Evil is that which one believes of others.

Popularity--The capacity for listening sympathetically when men boast of their wives and women complain of their husbands.

Balloonists have an unsurpassed view of the scenery, but there is always the possibility that it may collide with them.

The editors are committed to nothing save this: to keep common sense as fast as they can, to belabor sham as agreeably as possible, to give civilized entertainment.

Progress: The process whereby the human race has got rid of whiskers, the vermiform appendix and God.

I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. There is in every living creature an obscure but powerful impulse to active functioning. Life demands to be lived. Inaction, save as a measure of recuperation between bursts of activity, is painful and dangerous to the healthy organism- in fact, it is almost impossible. Only the dying can be really idle.