There are no ugly cigars, only ugly smokers.

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

Every failure teaches a man something, to wit, that he will probably fail again.

The best teacher of children, in brief, is one who is essentially childlike.

For it is an absurdity to call a country civilized in which a decent and industrious man, laboriously mastering a trade which is valuble and necessary to the common weal, has no assurance that it will sustain him while he stands ready to practice it, or keep him out of the poorhouse when illness or age makes him idle.

The more I think you over, the more it comes home to me what an unmitigated Middle Victorian ass you are!

The average man does not get pleasure out of an idea because he thinks it is true; he thinks it is true because he gets pleasure out of it.