What makes philosophy so tedious is not the profundity of philosophers, but their lack of art; they are like physicians who soughtto cure a slight hyperacidity by prescribing a carload of burned oyster-shells.

[Government's] great contribution to human wisdom...is the discovery that the taxpayer has more than one pocket.

One does not arise from such a book as Sister Carrie with a smirk of satisfaction; one leaves it infinitely touched.

A Progressive is one who is in favor of more taxes instead of less, more bureaus and jobholders, more paternalism and meddling, more regulation of private affairs and less liberty. In general, he would be inclined to regard the repeal of any tax as outrageous.

I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark.

What is the function that a clergyman performs in the world? Answer: He gets his living by assuring idiots that he can save them from an imaginary hell.

Philadelphia is the most pecksniffian of American cities, and thus probably leads the world.