What makes philosophy so tedious is not the profundity of philosophers, but their lack of art; they are like physicians who soughtto cure a slight hyperacidity by prescribing a carload of burned oyster-shells.

I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark.

Women in general seem to me to be appreciably more intelligent than men. A great many of them suffer in silence from the imbecilities of their husbands.

I know of no human being who has a better time than an eager and energetic young reporter.

On one issue, at least, men and women agree. They both distrust women.

The longest sentence you can form with two words is: I do.

Happiness, like health, is probably also only a passing accident. For a moment or two the organism is irritated so little that it is not conscious of it; for the duration of that moment it is happy. Thus a hog is always happier than a man, and a bacillus is happier than a hog