The real charm of the United States is that it is the only comic country ever heard of.

Sin is a dangerous toy in the hands of the virtuous. It should be left to the congenitally sinful, who know when to play with it and when to let it alone.

Better than the rest of us, they [the Jews] sensed what was ahead for their people.

I drink exactly as much as I want, and one drink more.

The curse of man, and the cause of nearly all his woe, is his stupendous capacity for believing the incredible.

As long as you represent me as praising alcohol I shall not complain. It is, I believe, the greatest of human inventions, and by far - much greater than Hell, the radio or the bichloride tablet.

Christian - One who is willing to serve three Gods, but draws the line at one wife.