When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.

I like burritos more than Jesus because steak burritos are delicious. And they're real.

When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.

I'm a dumb guy. My point of view is limited.

We were talking about urban youth. And by urban I mean lives in a city not urban as in black like white people use it.

My nephew's always crying. I'm like, 'Dude, why are you crying? Your life is great. All you do is eat apple sauce and take dumps. That's your day.

When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.