I like burritos more than Jesus because steak burritos are delicious. And they're real.

I've been doing stand-up longer than I've been doing anything. It's just learning how to act on camera, trying to get better at that, figuring out how to make my humor translate and bounce off other people. It's not a big challenge, but the main thing is just trying to be on point and be the best I can be on these shows.

If you want to do anything, you got to go do it. Perform a lot, write a lot, make yourself better. Use the Internet, make videos, create content.

I applied for a job at Starbucks. One of the questions was, 'Why do you want to work at Starbucks?' Uh, because my life is in shambles.

When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.

In my hometown of Chicago, I'm kind of a medium deal.

There's a lot of dudes in my neighborhood that have handlebar mustaches. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache but don't try to have a conversation with me like you don't have a handlebar mustache.