Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you.
A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.
Cynicism is the humour of hatred
When I pass my name in such large letters I blush, but at the same time instinctively raise my hat.
He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him.
God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down; as an old man you try to conciliate him, because he may knock you down.