The other day, I was so desperate for a beer, I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.

If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way.

All my life I've been an obese man trapped inside a fat man's body.

I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket and flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

A gun is not a weapon! It's a tool, like a butcher's knife, or a harpoon, or an alligator.

Two friends, two bodies with one soul inspired.

How delicate her feet who shuns the ground, Stepping a-tiptoe on the heads of men.