I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!

There is nothing alive more agonized than man / of all that breathe and crawl across the earth.

Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. So use it and send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay. Eternal happiness is just a dollar away.

Zeus does not bring all men's plans to fulfillment.

I don't know how much longer I can complain.

Men are so quick to blame the gods: they say that we devise their misery. But they themselves- in their depravity- design grief greater than the griefs that fate assigns.

Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.