If you live long enough, you get accused of things you never did and praised for virtues you never had.

Every man is his own Pygmalion, and spends his life fashioning himself. And in fashioning himself, for good or ill, he fashions the human race and its future.

When you're young, you get blamed for crimes that you didn't commit. When you are old, you get credit for virtues that you never had. I guess it all evens out in the end.

The difference between burlesque and the newspapers is that the former never pretended to be performing a public service by exposure.

All governments are run by liars and nothing they say should be believed.

You have to take the long view. First, when Moses came down from Mt. Sinai, man has already progressed to the point where a commandment against cannibalism was no longer necessary. And, second, it's like pissing on a boulder. For the first few thousand years, you don't see any effect. But after that, you start to see a definite impact.

Every time we are confronted with a new revolution we take to the opium pipes of our own propaganda.