When the days start to get shorter, I want to be in some nice brick building on the East Coast with the lights glowing in the windows. When the daylight starts changing, I want to be out West.

I think what is important for things to be funny is if you the listener, or the reader, get a chance to supply the humor of it yourself.

Every once in a while, people need to be in the presence of things that are really far away.

America can enjoy a vital, fully functioning government, with all the benefits provided by Texas, while reducing Texas at the same time.

I don't have a disregard for my reader in humor pieces.

Leading economists have shown that by shrinking Texas, we can actually create more income for Texas in the long run.

There's an idea of the Plains as the middle of nowhere, something to be contemptuous of. But it's really a heroic place.