Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.

Sigmund Freud was a half baked Viennese quack. Our literature, culture, and the films of Woody Allen would be better today if Freud had never written a word.

Advice to rock gods: drugwise, stick to Ibuprofen, decaf lattes, and pale Pilsners ... If your stomach is not a flat slab, please leave your shirt on while performing ... If your girlfriend asks you to choose between her and your music, sell your instruments immediately - especially if you're a drummer ... Finally, go easy on the supermodels, don't forget to tune, and remember: a tiny bit of dry ice and lasers goes a long way. Ditto with tattoos.

Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic.

I know what love is: Tracy and Hepburn, Bogart and Bacall, Romeo and Juliet, Jackie and John and Marilyn.

Everybody's excited about the new service economy, even though there is no actual service as near as I can tell.

Men want to put their signature at the bottom; women don't want to finish that letter.