I know what love is: Tracy and Hepburn, Bogart and Bacall, Romeo and Juliet, Jackie and John and Marilyn.

Men want to put their signature at the bottom; women don't want to finish that letter.

The word relationship best refers to the connection between parasite and host, or shark and remora. It's a biological term. I'd rather be a jerk than a scientist when it comes to love.

They don't produce anything. All they do is guide you through the labyrinth of the legal system that they created - and they keep changing it just in case you start to catch on.

Favorite color: I hate colors.

Sigmund Freud was a half baked Viennese quack. Our literature, culture, and the films of Woody Allen would be better today if Freud had never written a word.

Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic.