Sigmund Freud was a half baked Viennese quack. Our literature, culture, and the films of Woody Allen would be better today if Freud had never written a word.

Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.

I don't like people who speak French in public places. This includes the French.

Men want to put their signature at the bottom; women don't want to finish that letter.

Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic.

I read a column by George Will that SCARFACE should be rated X because parents were taking their children to see it. So what? Why should the motion-picture industry be responsible for our morality? Dad says to Mom, `SCARFACE is in town.' `What's it about?' `Human scum who kill each other over cocaine deals.' `Sounds great! Let's take the kids!'

The word relationship best refers to the connection between parasite and host, or shark and remora. It's a biological term. I'd rather be a jerk than a scientist when it comes to love.