Everybody's excited about the new service economy, even though there is no actual service as near as I can tell.

They don't produce anything. All they do is guide you through the labyrinth of the legal system that they created - and they keep changing it just in case you start to catch on.

Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.

I don't like people who speak French in public places. This includes the French.

Never ask a woman why she's angry at you. She will either get angrier at you for not knowing, or she'll tell you. Both ways, you lose.

Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic.

The word relationship best refers to the connection between parasite and host, or shark and remora. It's a biological term. I'd rather be a jerk than a scientist when it comes to love.